Thursday, December 14, 2006

I've decided...

All fertility-challenged pregnant patients should have weekly ultrasounds. No matter what.

I can make it about a week without panicking but that's it.

So yeah, today's not a good day. No special reason (unless you count the fluctuating boob-soreness which today is registering about an 0.5 on a scale of 1-10), I'm just freaking out because I can. Oh yeah, and I've got a bit of a headache lurking in the corners of my brain, which wouldn't be problematic for anyone but me because the return of the ever-present headaches occurred shortly before my miscarriage. And (err.) my constipation's gone. So either I'm getting sick, which is possible, or I should freak out. Or not, it could just be paranoia.

And I don't have another appointment until next freaking TUESDAY. Yeah, I know, it's only five more days, but they're five LONG days.

I can make it, I'm sure I can*. Two good ultrasounds behind me, both with a strong heartbeat. That should reassure me.. and truthfully, it's the one reason I'm not in a full-on panic right now. Well, that and the fact that last time my boobs stopped hurting, it didn't mean anything.

I still wish I could be normal and say "hey, I feel better today. how cool!" instead of "omg, I feel better today - what's wrong??!"

I wish I were far enough along that a doppler would give me reassurance, but I'm afraid to use one because I'm afraid I wouldn't find anything and then I'd be MORE freaked out.

Five. More. Days.

*mostly because I have no choice - I refuse to freak out (again). It's only five more days.


Hopeful Mother said...

You can do it! 5 more days!

Heather said...

I'm sorry you are freakin out Sweetie. I can only imagine the Hell you are going through right now. I'm thinking about you. Hopefully the days will fly by fast.