Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I'm not usually much of a conspiracy theorist. Really, I'm not. (Except for the whole Cosmic Gods of Reproduction thing - I do believe the little fairies who control that particular aspect of life have one hell of a nasty sense of humor) ... but I'm starting to wonder.

I mentioned not too long ago that my own family has seen a sharp decline in successful reproduction in the last generation, and I think I'm starting to notice it in others too.

My uberfertile neighbor came by the other night and started interrogating me about RiceCake. How'd the ultrasound go? Fine. Baby kicking today? Yes. Used the doppler today? Yes.

Started to freak me out a little. It's not unusual for my neighbor to interrogate me 'cause we're actually pretty good friends... but for her to come over somewhere around 8PM for the sole purpose of interrogating me, that's a bit unusual.

In the end, she reluctantly confessed that she was paranoid about me because her friend Tammy had gone in for a routine 18-20 week ultrasound and found our that her baby had died.


My uberfertile neighbor went through the same thing right around the time that I met her, and the pain of rememberance was clearly visible in her eyes as we were talking the other night.

I like to call her uberfertile because getting pregnant was never her problem - she jokes that her husband can look at her and she's pregnant, and the two of them regularly worry that his vasectomy will fail... but the truth of the matter is that she's had her fair share (and then some) of reproductive problems.

I understand why she worries right along with me, and all her other friends, every step of the way.

She's the same friend who held my hand when I miscarried because she'd been there too. More than once.

She introduced me to a third friend of hers who had been through two miscarriages around when I lost mine... so that I'd have a bigger support network to help me sort through my feelings.

She's the same friend that is now holding Tammy's hand while she sorts through her pain.

She's a good friend, and she should never have to see so many women she cares about hurt so much... although she is so empathetic and always knows the right thing to say (and when to just listen), that if anyone has to be that friend, I'm glad it's someone like her.

.. but I still believe that no one should have to bear witness to so much pain.

I worry that miscarriage and stillbirth are becoming more common.

I hope that it's just that my generation is more honest and open, that we've ripped a curtain off of a private pain so that we can better support our sisters when they are in need.

But I worry that we've done that out of necessity because we see so many others who are suffering in ways we know all too well, that we are seeing it more because it is happening more.

I hope that is not true.

.. and if you can today, spare a good thought for my cousin, who is still dealing with her recent loss, or for Tammy who is right in the middle of the worst pain she's ever felt.

1 comment:

Adrienne said...

My thoughts and prayers go out to your cousin and your friend's friend Tammy. Losing an pregnancy is one of the most painful things you can go through. My heart hurts for them.

As for your conspiracy theory, I'll jump right on that bandwagon. I'm convinced, actually, that reproductive issues have increased in our generation - maybe greatly. There are just too many chemicals and other environmental pollutants in the world to make me think otherwise.