Friday, March 02, 2007

Ultrasound and misc other stuff

Whoa.. this post is all over the place. Remind me not to blog before my morning coffee again... decaf or not, it really makes a difference.

The ultrasound went pretty well. I got to see all kinds of cool things, and there was only one measurement that I found a little worrisome (femur length), but even that probably only means Rice will have short legs.. since that's a classic trait found in my entire family, it's not something I'm going to get too worked up about (if I can help it). Especially since the tech said it wasn't such a difference that it was significant.

The one thing I didn't see was the gender. By choice. A choice which many of my friends and family find odd.

Some of them are downright annoying about it. I don't mind being teased a little. It's the ones who are serious that bother me.

If I hear "you really didn't find out?" or "couldn't they just write it down so I could know?" one more time, I'm going to start kicking people.

Here's the thing - this is MY baby and if I don't know, no one's going to know.. except B, and I think he already found out, but since it's his baby too, he's got the right to make that decision.. so long as he doesn't even breathe a whisper of a hint to me.. and he's doing pretty well with that*.

This is a big deal to me.

Because I have honestly reached the point where I don't care what gender Rice is. I always thought when other people said that, it was a little white lie... but the truth is, I don't care. Maybe that will change if I have to pack away the little dresses I've bought, but I don't think it will.

Part of this gender ambivalence is that I really enjoy being G's mom. Before he was born, I wasn't sure I wanted to be a boy-mom. Now that I've had time to really wallow in my son's boyness, I love it.

.. and part of this gender ambivalence is fear.

What if I have a daughter, and she inherits my PCOS?

I read a fascinating discussion on a message board about parents who conceive a child knowing that they had a significant chance of passing on a genetic disease. For the most part, the types of genetic abnormalities being discussed were far more serious than PCOS... but it still made me revisit that same fear.

I know I'm overthinking this - although there's a genetic link to PCOS, there's no clear evidence to say who will get it, and who will not. There's nothing that leads me to believe that the next 25 or 30 years won't bring about enough medical advancements that PCOS will be just a little blip in a medical chart, an anecdote that helps round out the whole picture.

I saw an interview with a doctor who specializes in treating patients with AIDS. He compared AIDS to diabetes, in that it's become a long-term treatable disease. Twenty years ago, it was a death sentence. A fast death sentence. I know that PCOS doesn't have the same funding or public awareness, but if we can take something as serious as AIDS and turn it into a treatable condition, with a decent long-term prognosis, then there's hope for my children.. hope that they'll never have to deal with this particular flavor of heartache.

.. and on that note, check this out:
PCOS Treatment and Awareness Petition

*currently his story is that the tech refused to tell him because I didn't want to know... even though she was aware that I was grudgingly ok with him finding out, and that I left the room specifically for that reason.. and despite the little gleam in his eye when he said that, I'm choosing to believe him. Otherwise I'd be nagging him to let me in on the secret and really, I don't want to know.


Erin said...

I'm glad Rice is just fine and perfect--and short legs are pretty prevalent in my family also, so I know what you mean about not being concerned!

We also didn't find out P's gender. I was amazed at how many people were bothered by that! "Don't you want to stop calling the baby 'it'?" (Yes, that's why I called him Thumper.) "How am I supposed to know what color clothes to buy?" (Um, the baby won't care. If you're really worried, buy white, yellow, or green.) And my favorite was a friend who, very generously, wanted to make P a holiday stocking and put the name on it. When informed that we a) hadn't found out the gender, and b) weren't sharing our name choices, he asked if we wouldn't mind going and finding out so that he could make it before the baby was born. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, it's such a fun surprise, so enjoy it!

I also know exactly what you mean about being scared of passing on PCOS. I blogged about it several months ago. I desperately want to get pregnant again but, if I had the choice of choosing gender (and I wouldn't), I would choose another boy just so he wouldn't have to worry about it. I hate to think of passing on something like this.

Krista said...

Finding out the gender is a very personal decision and I agree with you that the only ones with a right to decide, or even weigh in on the decision, are you and your husband.

It is funny, I was adament that I wanted to know from the very beginning, and yet I am very bothered by the same kind of comments. You would be surprised how many people have told me "why did you do that, now you have RUINED the surprise for yourself" and others who have said "that just shows how impatient you are".

Too bad, I wanted to know and I'm the mommy damn it!