Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Two steps forward, one step back.. or vice versa

I was absolutely thrilled to see an article about a fertility program specifically targeting gay men... until I read the article here.

It seems like a great program, bringing all facets of conception (legal, medical & psychological) together in one place.. and then they go and muck it up with this:

"...three-quarters of gay couples pay extra to choose the sex of their

In fact, if you check out the website for this particular clinic, they have an entire section dedicated to the success of their gender-selection program.

I absolutely can't say how much I detest the idea of PGD for gender selection based on personal preference.

There's a time and a place for it. I am not at all opposed to using PGD when there's a medical reason for it.. like, say, if a parent is a known carrier of a fatal genetic disease that only affects one gender.

I'm even ok with other forms of gender-selection - if you wanna try out Shettles, you can have sex standing on your head on the third Wednesday of your cycle* for the rest of your life, if that's what you want and it won't even make me blink.

If you want to pay your clinic to spin your sperm to get the best XY swimmers in the world, have at it.

But don't create otherwise healthy embryos and then destroy them just because of gender.

It's absolutely ok to have a preference for one gender or another.. but I just don't think it's ok to have such an all-consuming preference that the alternative is not even worth giving birth to.

I said a million times in the beginning that I wanted RiceCake to be a girl (and even if I hadn't said it, the tiny row of pink hanging in the closet speaks for itself) ... but I never went into my doctor's appointment, or into my bedroom with the thinking that I would ONLY accept a girl. Hell, I wanted G to be a girl; I've already confessed my disappointment when we saw the little penis on the ultrasound, but I never once thought that it would be better to not have him at all. From the moment of his birth, I have never looked at him and thought "if only... " I don't feel like I got a consolation prize, or a second-rate child because I wanted a daughter... and I can't imagine what it's like to be so single-minded that a (potential) child I helped create isn't worthy because of something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things as gender.

I hate to say that anyone is unworthy of parenthood.. but sometimes I wish it were easy for me to throw out that statement.

*or whatever it is they recommend..

1 comment:

DD said...

I didn't read the article, but I wonder if the reason gay couples will pay extra to select the sex of their child isn't out of some kind of feeling of peer pressure. What I mean is that a gay couple may not be as prone to criticism for raising a baby girl as they would a baby boy. Same thing with lesbian couples.

It's hard enough for couples to raise a child, but to be a gay couple and still find acceptance, they might have to resort to something we would quickly damn a hetero couple for doing.