Thursday, June 15, 2006

it's all about the timing

I had this long, nasty post about my day, but decided I was better off just deleting it and starting over. (In other words, the wicked-witch effect of my clomid mood swing wore off and now I'm in that semi-manic happy-me phase).

Let's talk about these clomid mood swings (furthermore referred to as "CMS"), shall we? "They" tell you that clomid can cause moodiness. Sounds pretty harmless, doesn't it? Whoa - harmless isn't what I'd call it. There's something just not right about pulling a Linda Blair. About the only thing I haven't done tonight is levitate and vomit green soup. I'm pretty sure that at some point, my head did spin around backwards.. and then I dissolved into a bucket of weeping goo (but I wasn't green goo, so alas, it doesn't fit my Exorcist theme). Five minutes later, I was normal again. It's just not right, I tell you.

Tonight's fit was set off by my husband's schedule. See, he told me yesterday that they have a previously-unscheduled two-week trip coming up. He was a bit bummed that he won't be home for the fourth of July (again). Eh, I'm used to that. It's only two weeks, hardly something to fall apart over. And then it hit me. His two-week span encompasses the entire week that I might have a chance at pregnancy next month. In fact, it's timed so incredibly well (or badly, depending on your point of view, or where you are in a CMS) that even if we had some miraculous sex the day he left, and the day he returned, with those mythical sperm that can live "up to five days!".. we still wouldn't be able to get pregnant. Wow. Now that's some serious bad cosmic mojo. They scheduled an underway for the very week I need the man - all because some other ship broke down and the powers that be decided that my husband's ship would make a nifty replacement. I'm trying not to take it personally. We're past the days where the military would pay extra money based on the number of children you had, so it's not like they have a vested interest in keeping me un-pregnant. Still, my CMS do lend themselves nicely to conspiracy theories, and I can't help but think someone on the chain of command is plotting against our conception. However ridiculous that may be, it's a hell of a lot easier to complain about than if it were just bad luck. So I'm sticking with that theory. (and yes, when the little men with white straitjackets come and pack me away, I'll be blaming that on my CMS also)

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