Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Normal. I am normal.

It's a bittersweet thing - I had my doctor's appointment this morning to follow up on last month's overstimulation. My ovaries look great, with only a few small cysts that shouldn't be a problem. I'm excited to not have any bad side effects from last cycle, but kinda bummed - it was a little easier to take B leaving for ovulation this month thinking that we couldn't try anyway.* I'm a bit pissy now, knowing that this could have been a good cycle. Still, knowing I bounced back this fast is a good thing. Last visit, my doctor seemed pretty convinced it would take more than two weeks to recover.

I got to see the new resident today. He took forever with the wand. While I was laying there, I started to doze off and I realized: I am now officially an infertility patient. If I can fall asleep during my wanding, it's become awfully routine. (hmm... I wonder if I could use this to my advantage. Next time the hubby's feeling frisky and I'm exhausted, maybe I could ask him to just be slow and gentle and aim for my right ovary so I can nap a bit. It could work, right?) Anyhow, the new resident was a bit disappointed that the pictures from last month weren't in my chart. I think he's new enough that he's never seen overstimulated ovaries before. I probably should have felt a bit like a medical experiment, but hey - I understand fascination with my reproductive parts. I am, after all, the one who asked to see the pics of the girls since he'd angled the screen so I couldn't see. So I get his fascination. Emotional aspects notwithstanding, fertility is a pretty interesting thing, and I'm usually able to recognize that.

AND, I talked the doc into letting me do a 'trial run' of 50mg of clomid this month, even if we can't try an IUI. I went over B's schedule again and discovered that if I can have a 28/29 day cycle this month, we might just be able to squeak in an IUI in August a day or two before he leaves. (So all that worrying was for nothing... but when you're a hormonal, compulsive scheduler, and a compulsive worrier, these things happen).. Unmedicated, I tend to have cycles closer to 35 or 40 days, which would make me ovulate a few days after B leaves in August, and since we don't have that mythical super-living 5-day sperm I've heard of... well, those few days might as well be a year.

So, I managed to convince my doctor that by doing the 50mg of clomid this month, we'd know if it works, or if it's too low a dose without wasting a good cycle. I'm not sure he entirely bought my reasoning, but he's good about letting me have some control over my care, which is maybe why I like him.

*i have to add this disclaimer: i love my hubby. i do not just love him for his sperm, no matter how much it sounds like that... but the fact is, i'm a sailor's wife. frequent, short absences come with the territory. i am used to it, and while i do miss him, if he's not gone more than two weeks at a time, that's just a normal work week for us. not a big deal. wasting an entire cycle because he's gone at just the wrong time and there's nothing we can do about it... that's the tough part.

small edit: I just wanted to add this. I left it out originally, but it's been really bothering me. One of the things my doc said while flipping through my chart was about B's last SA. He looked at the numbers and said "and he's the man who got you pregnant both times?" .. yeah, he is. and his numbers are bad. it bothers me a lot because I live in fear of the day they decide that his numbers are bad enough that we've progressed past IUI and need IVF. That scares me enough that I get that sick feeling in my stomach. IVF is not possible for us. Seriously. Not. Possible. OK, that's as much as I can talk about that. I refuse to worry about that hurdle unless/until I have to.

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