Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Get me to a nunnery!

I think I'd like to make a career out of celibacy.

Hormones + s-e-x = me spotting. OK, not this particular hormonal soup that I'm in the midst of now,* but in general. When I was pregnant with G, I spotted after doing the deed. This past spring before my miscarriage, I spotted every time B so much as looked at me. OK, that may not count 'cause I spotted for the hell of it right up til I actually miscarried... but some of it was nookie-related. Currently, I've only spotted once, the day AF was due, but it, too, was related to s-e-x.

No big surprise that I'm sort of afraid to take my pants off around my husband.

It's a new thing for me. Generally, we're celibate because we have to be, not because we want to be.

In other news, my paranoia still has me braless more often than not. Because, you know, decent support helps with the soreness and the last thing I want is to be less sore. I suppose that could be considered tortuous, first trying to cut off my husband and then running around braless... only.. my girls, unsupported, are not a pretty sight. They were giant even before G, but his nursing addiction took its toll. They are no longer giant, they're just long. Lovely thought, eh? At any rate, it all just adds to my crazy pleasant aura.

I'm still obsessively poking, squeezing and grabbing my breasts, although I'm now doing it around the vicinity of my knees. Combine that with the constant reassuring discussions I'm having (with myself!), the never-ending panty SpotWatch, and the obsessive need to sniff less-than-pleasant aromas to see if maybe they make me queasy...** Yeah, I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be allowed in public.

G & I have been spending most of our time at home. We're going camping with the inlaws this weekend, but that should be ok. If nothing else, it's a great distraction to keep me busy between now and Monday. And hey, we'll be sharing a trailer with B's teenage brother, so I don't even have to worry about that whole s-e-x thing.

*note that I am still unwilling to use the p-word in relation to myself right now... please bear with my euphemisms..

**thus far, it's taken some seriously noxious odors to provoke nausea. still, i'm doing my best to cause it.


casey said...

Try not to step on your girls whilst hiking to your campsite. Then you'd really have some pain!

Thanks for the laughs (at the expense of the visual you've given).

Heather said...

You are cracking me up over here!

Hope you have a great camping trip!