Thursday, November 16, 2006

Oh yeah...

I totally forgot what I was supposed to be blogging about earlier.


Anyhow, I told my mom last night. It was on accident, and it just slipped out.

We were looking at tiny baby clothes (not for me - remember that nephew that will be born next month? yeah, for him) and I was examining the little dresses.. which, of course, made my mom comment that there weren't any little girls in the family and for some reason that irritated me What - I need to have a little girl in mind to be looking at tiny dresses? and it just sort of came out.

Yeah, I'm totally good at this keeping my mouth shut thing.

So a little later in the evening, my mom was on the phone with my aunt and I forget how it came up, but I told her it was ok to tell - it's not a huge secret, I just don't want to go through the process of un-telling people if things go south... and my mother says to my aunt "rachel thinks she might be p-word"* So I corrected her and said "no, I know I am" .. and then followed it up with what should be the Official Infertile Disclaimer I'm just not sure for how long.

I was so pissed at myself for that. I want to be a normal p-word chick. I want to be able to look at baby clothes or things without worrying if maybe I'm wasting my time and/or money by looking too soon. I want to be able to tell people about this without following it up with a "but that doesn't mean anything yet". Most of all, I want to be able to actually say the word.

Maybe after the ultrasound.

If things continue, some time between now and next July, I will so totally tell everyone.

*ok, she used the actual word, but I can't say it, or type it or even think it, honest to God.. maybe after the ultrasound.


casey said...

I'm soooo with you. I can't decide whether to tell my family or not over Thanksgiving...I mean, they'll all hear if it goes south anyway, so why not share the good news? And despite my vows to remain positive about my pregnancy, it is harder and harder than I thought it would be, due to bad past experiences.

Maybe in, say, June, we can go in on some kind of formal announcement together! :) Hang in there (and hope the tornadoes have all disappeared)

Kris said...

I hope you are able to let loose and enjoy the p-word soon!