Two more weeks

Farking blogger just ate another post. Argh.

I'm still marking time waiting for my ultrasound. I've had several people ask about betas or blood tests. DocNH is happy waiting for the ultrasound, and in many ways, I am too.

See, I had some problems in the earliest G-days* and wound up with a series of betas to check on things. I got a call from my nurse on a Friday afternoon that the betas were rising but not doubling. On Friday afternoon. When they wouldn't be open again until Monday.

It turned out to be a very minor thing, and obviously, not scary news... but it made for one hell of an uncertain and scary weekend.

Blood tests are lovely, but they don't reassure me as much as they should. I'm worried that if I did beg for some beta-reassurance, I'd wind up with something that could be good or bad, and then I'd have proof that worrying was maybe a good idea. As it stands, I have nothing besides my own paranoia to suggest I should worry, and that's making it a little easier to breathe.

Breathing is something I've been having some problems with this week. I'll admit, that hpt knocked the breath out of me, and I still haven't gotten it back. When I'm focused on thinking too much about the what ifs, I start to feel like my throat is closing up on me. It's not as all-consuming as it was a few days ago, but it's not gone. I'm still distracting myself with G, and with books**, and just hanging out waiting. Ultrasound's not that far off.

Only two more weeks - and I'm used to living my life in two-week increments.





*still having a hard time typing the 'p' word in relation to myself.

**really, that's what I should be blogging about, I read this perfectly dreadful story about infertility that was chock-full of cliches and bad assvice.. tho surprisingly accurate in some ways about procedures and feelings...