Thursday, July 06, 2006

Doctor Visit, part II - Acceptable Risk?

In the lab today, there was a woman with a teeny-tiny set of twins. They looked about newborn size, although I heard her say they were three months old. Beautiful babies, a boy and a girl. Both sleeping peacefully. Both hooked up to various monitors and oxygen tubes. Presumably, they were preemies; I heard a vague snatch of conversation about gestational age. Between that, and the various machinery, I think it's safe to say they've had a rough life so far.

It's pretty easy to forget that a twin pregnancy still has risks greater than that of a singleton pregnancy. I have said many times that twins would be acceptable (preferable even!) without really thinking about what I was saying. Just a few days ago, I had five follicles and I thought it was a good outcome. Five.

Next cycle, if I am looking at five again, will it still seem like a good thing?

Will I look at my five (or four, or three) and still think that it's an acceptable risk?

Will the pressure of knowing that we have only a few inseminations left until B leaves for far too long make me take that gamble and hope for the best?

Two cycles ago, when I overstimulated, it was patently obvious that it was not a risk I was willing to take. Last cycle, I was in that gray area where there are no clear answers, no green light saying it's ok, or distended ovaries saying it's not. No psychic connection with the cosmos to tell me what the outcome would be.

I don't have the answers, but after today, seeing those two little ones, I have more questions.

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