Monday, July 24, 2006

Unqualified or underqualified?

So.. what's going on in the reproductive front? Not much. Tonight is my last night of clomid, and I'm a bit disappointed at the lack of side effects. I've only gotten bitchy a few times (although my loved ones may disagree), my 'visual disturbances' have been more annoying than fun this month, and they've come with a migraine more often than not. The one side effect that I can count on absolutely is that clomid will rob me of my sex drive, and that one, not so much fun... although I do find a bit of humor in the fact that so much IF treatment comes with abstinence, either voluntary or otherwise. Yeah, we're trying to make a baby so we've quit having sex. (note to the stupid woman last week with the "I know what causes that" comment: apparently sex is NOT the cause. so there.)

I have my mid-cycle ultrasound Friday. That's very much on my mind. I'm past the early innocence when a mid-cycle scan only meant a chance to look at the beautiful follicles I'd made that might one day become a beautiful baby. I am pretty sure that my June Cycle cured me of that. At least, that was the last time I remember going into a mid-cycle appointment without a little fear. There is a fine line when it comes to egg production, and I have been toying with the too-many-eggs side for the last few months. This is probably the month where I will have to draw that line in the sand, and decide just how many is too many for us. It is a very sobering realization. I fully understand the desperation, the fear of missing an opportunity by not taking a chance. That fear is heightened by knowing that our chances are few and far between, and I worry that I'm not qualified (or rational enough) to make this decision.

I suppose this is part of what people think of when they say ART is 'playing God'. I wonder if they know what an uncomfortable position it is.

1 comment:

DD said...

Only someone with the heart of a robot could leave only the rationale in ART. That's how they "getcha" is knowing that emotions will make or break us.

Don't take the lack of symptoms as anything but that your body handles the drug itself with more tolerance. I just hope it's doing the job it's supposed to for you.