Patience.

Something about this title makes me think I should insert some goofy slogan here ("Patience. It's what's for dinner" perhaps?).

So... I'm not a patient person. I hate waiting. A lot of this babymaking process is waiting. Wait for AF so you can wait to O, wait for insemination, and then the worst part of waiting ever: the two-week-wait. At least the first half of waiting is nicely broken up by all kinds of weird things like side effects and CMS's, and wondering if maybe some miracle will occur and create a baby if you were having sex right that very minute... the two week wait doesn't have those diversions. I hear there are people who pass the time by analyzing symptoms, but I am far too pessimistic for that. I don't analyze symptoms, I deny them. With Grape, I didn't even test until I was four days late because I refused to even hope. With my second pregnancy, I tested on the day AF was due, but I was in such denial that I actually went and got a tattoo at 12dpo*. Hey, my doctor had told me that it was hopeless to even think of pregnancy without an IUI. (not that I'm defensive or anything)

And right now, I'm waiting to ovulate. Based on my calculations, it should happen today. Based on my body, there's nothing going on there. A significant amount of pain yesterday, no temp rise today. So I'm guessing I'm still waiting. Since my super-scientific calculations were based on one cycle, there's some room for error. I am not feeling patient right now. I've mentioned before (ad nauseam) that my timing is critical for both this cycle and next. Naturally, I would expect something to be off this month because of that. I'm trying - very hard - to just relax and go with the flow. (er, go with things. I don't want flow, thanks.) It's a very alien feeling, but one that (I hope) will get easier.


*No, there's no guilt from that. It has never once crossed my mind that, given the outcome, that whole tattoo thing was unwise. And if I keep saying that maybe some day, I'll believe it.