Monday, October 02, 2006

Hope, the sequel

Where is my denial of Hope? Where is my inner pessimism? Sweet, sweet apathy, why have you deserted me?

I go through this every cycle. No matter how hard I promise myself that I won't obsess, I won't analyze... I just can't help it. I'm deep in the throes of my FCP... and oh man does it suck.

Latest obsessions: I started having some serious hot flashes last night. Oh. My. God. Hot flashes on a clomid cycle - must be a sign! (I know, I know, that's the sick part of all this - I know it's irrational)

.. and I fell asleep! Can you imagine? Millions of people fall asleep every night. I bet 99% of them don't wonder if it's a sign. But I fell asleep eeeaaaarrrlllyyyyy (yes, I'm whining now too). Of course, that can't have anything to do with the fact that I was tired from waking up obscenely early yesterday, so it must be .... a sign.

AND THEN - then, I woke up early this morning as well! I'm quite sure that had nothing to do with the fact that (a) I fell asleep early last night and (b) the hubby was stomping around at the ass-crack of dawn, spewing obscenities because he was running late and missing an important piece of his uniform this morning. Oh no, all that is trivial and background. It was.... a sign.

... I won't even go into what happened when I took my BBT. It's sick, and depraved and hopeful.


Kris said...

Dontcha just hate your brain sometimes?

Was he missing his hat... I mean his "cover"? That's what H can never seem to find.

the nude uterus said...

Hope hates me. I think she left me to be your best friend. Atleast she stayed with me so I can be hopeful for others!
EVERYthing is a sign... heheheh... I hear that!

Krista said...

I hope it is a sign! Feel hopeful, we are just as upset when it doesn't work whether we hope or not. I am hoping for you.