Thursday, October 26, 2006

Tattoos and fertility, the nonscientific study.

I have come to a conclusion.

Half of me is fertile.

The right half, to be specific.

See, every month where I've had multiple follicles, the right side was by far the overachiever. When I overstim'd, DocP counted the left side and then gave up on the right.

I have never not had a follicle on the right; I've had more than one cycle with nothing on the left.

And now... witness the joy that hcg brings. I have one extremely sore right boobie. And one almost-sore left one. What .. the.. hell?

Thinking back, when I was nursing the G, I had some serious supply issues .. on the left side.

So I'm pretty sure that all my girl-parts only work on the right.

It's the tattoo.

At least, that explains the ovarian issue. See, I have a tattoo on my right side, almost exactly over my ovary*. I guess that (similar to the fertility-enhancing properties of smoking crack), tattoo ink does wonders for a person. It was a compromise position - I wanted it under my belly button, but the man who was doing the tattoo pointed out that in the (unlikely) event of pregnancy, that may not be a wise choice.** Now, having realized the fertile properties of ink, I'm thinking I should have said 'screw that, aim for the uterus!'.

I wonder if I could convince B to have his testicles inked?





*I'd share a picture, but I can't figure out how to do that.

**he failed to point out that, should said pregnancy end in a cesarean, the placement I chose would still not be wise. my lizard had two toes amputated during G's birth.

4 comments:

Erin said...

Hmm, my right ovary is also the overachiever--and I have a tattoo on my right side also! Unfortunatley, mine is on my right thigh. As far as I know, my thigh wasn't really the intended area of fertility for my body.

Perhaps instead of having a pomegranate thread to recognize each other, we should have a tattoo over our uteruses (uteri?)!

DD said...

Maybe you should go get two lizard two tattoo'ed to your left side...just to test your theory.

DD said...

WTF! I meant "two lizard TOES!"

rachel said...

I love your theory! You could make a fortune if you just discoovered an infertility cure!