Saturday, August 19, 2006

Hormone Jeopardy & what I learned from TV

Q: Frequently occuring when my hormones are out of whack, symptoms include
crushing pressure over one side of my face, nausea and sensitivity to
light and sounds.

A: What are menstrual migraines?

Oh yeah, I'm having a good day.

We ended up being pretty lazy today, just hanging out here and watching mindless TV. Fascinating stuff on. A documentary about an uberfertile who had three sets of twins naturally. In less than four years. We didn't make it very far into that one. Right about the time she was explaining what she was thinking during her ultrasound with the third set, I changed it. I wasn't wearing shoes, or else I probably would have just thrown one at the TV and kept watching 'cause it was pretty interesting. Besides, how often do you see a family documentary on discovery that doesn't involve a Duggar or two? This was a monumental occasion.

The next channel was one of those trashy talk shows where the burning question is "who's my baby-daddy?". Freaking trainwrecks. I don't want to see, but I can't look away. There was a girl on who was trying to find out if the man she'd always known as her father was, indeed, her father. Her famous quote, when asked about how she felt without him involved in her life: 'it's harder now, since I'm 18 and have two kids of my own'.

Man... I am learning SO much, and I think I'm close to a cure for infertility. Based on my totally-scientific research, I've determined this... first, sex with multiple partners is a definite fertility-enhancer. If you shag 'em all closely enough together that you won't know who the lucky baby-daddy is, you're increasing your chances for conception. Especially if you're under 18. thank you, Springer, for that lesson! Second, if I can convince the B to become super-religious, isolate ourselves from the world and practice a patriarchal-centered home life chock full of submission and bad hairstyles, we'll practically be guaranteed a houseful in no time. Thank you, Discovery!

Or... if all else fails, I can go the non-televised route and just become a crack 'ho. I hear they're remarkably fertile.

So what are your fertility suggestions?


Erin said...

My big fertility tip is to swear that you never want children. And mean it. I've had two completely child-free-by-choice acquaintances who've gotten pregnant in the last 6 months. Thank G-d they're not actually friends that I see on a regular basis, or I'd have to truly hate them. As it is, I just try not to think about it.

Hope the migraine goes away soon--they're miserable (as if I needed to tell you that)!

Heather said...

GAH, I just got over some ovulation headaches so I feel your pain! Hormones are the root of all Evil! (I swear by this.)

I saw that show too! I wanted to kick that woman. (I am a TLC and Discovery Health addict - I don't want to watch but I can't NOT is horrible)