Saturday, August 26, 2006

Small stuff

My house is suffering. I have easily two loads of laundry to wash and I'm embarassed to even mention how many need folding. How come everyone always tells the childfree "At least you get to sleep in" and no one ever says "hey, you've got less laundry, appreciate that!" .. most of my laundry belongs to G, who goes through an average of four outfits a day... and I hate laundry more than I hate getting up early, but no one ever told me to appreciate smaller loads

If I don't vacuum and mop today, I'm pretty sure the dog hair on the floor will rise up and revolt. There's more of us than of her, men - let's take over! Take out the vacuum cleaners first, then head for the broom!

And yet, it seemed like a good time to blog.

I get overwhelmed pretty easily, and I think that's why I'm sitting here, with my blinders on, so I can't see the laundry waiting on my right, or the snoozing dog on my left who has a Pigpen-like cloud of fur floating lazily around her. When I have too much going on, or too much to think about, I get scatterbrained and overwhelmed and I can't think straight. I have to remind myself to take it one step at a time, start small and work my way up. When I'm cleaning, I always start with the bathrooms. They're small, and I can see progress quickly. Baby steps. That's my motto.

What does this have to do with babymaking through infertility?

You start out with baby steps, you start taking those prenatals and you throw out the birth control.. way back before you realized just how much you didn't need that birth control. After a few months, you pick up one more thing to do - maybe you start charting your BBT, or maybe you start actively picking your nook-days based on when you "should" be fertile. A few more months roll by, and you take that next step. You call your doctor, and they give you some more suggestions, maybe run a blood test or two.. and so on and so on.

Baby steps.

By the time you've been trying a while, you've researched everything and there are no baby steps. You know all the steps for each new treatment or procedure, and you're no longer taking it one step at a time, but you're planning out the whole cycle in one shot... maybe even working up a contingency plan for the next few cycles. You've probably got at least a rough timeline in your mind for when it's time to move on, what will be next, and what will come after that.

I started this whole process with a carefree day-by-day attitiude. I was really a go with the flow kind of woman. Somewhere along the way, I turned into the Repro-Control-Freak. Oh yes, that's me - RCF. I need to know the plan for at least the next cycle after this one, and I need to know the whens also. When will AF be here? When will I ovulate again? When can we inseminate when B is home?

Which makes it ever-so-much fun when my body starts going into that uncontrolled-pcos ovulation fakeout. Last night, I heard my cervix laughing at me as I was running around in there trying to find it. And then, when I did find it, I distinctly heard a giggle as it shifted from "soft" to "medium". Clearly, it's in there thinking "Ha! Interpret this!" .. the good news is, I haven't ovulated yet, so the D10 fakeout that panicked me* for a minute turned out to be a false alarm. Whew.

The bad news is, I'm already worrying about a potential IUI that is at least a month away... I should just go bury my head in some laundry.

*i meant that whole RCF thing; i'm already planning next cycle. ovulating on CD10 with a 14-day LP means... no IUI next month.

1 comment:

DD said...

This is the part that makes me crazy about Fertiles. They go weeks before even considering..."hey, I think I missed my period." or they can only guess when their last period was. They piss me off, but I so badly want to be them so I'm not sitting here with my reproductive life under constant scrutiny.